The Layoff Times, Round 3: Cut short!

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The Layoff Times: Round 3

A new post on this blog.

I. Am. Not. Thrilled.

Yes, I skipped blogging here about Round 2, which started about a year ago. At that time, I was hoping it was a temporary situation that would soon result in a renewed contract. Instead, that layoff period lasted about 4 months (blogged about occasionally on my main blog), ending with a new contract-to-perm job in April of this year. And as far as I knew, I was good to go for the long run.

But during my 8th month on that job, the big project the entire department was focused on for the coming year was scrapped. Most of us in the department were given two weeks to wrap things up; a few were asked to stay on for 6 months to ease the transition while the company tries to sell the scraps of the project to another company. Even fewer were offered transfers to another department, and many declined. Of course, with a layoff comes a nice severance package, so even those who were given two weeks only weren't completely out in the cold for the holidays.

Of course, for those of us who were still contractors, it's a different story. A contractor doesn't get severance. So I suddenly find myself facing a third Christmas shopping season in a row with no income.

Great timing.

For the past few months, I'd no longer felt like life was on hold. I was moving forward again. I was enjoying life again. Now I find myself facing the possibility that I may not have an income again until February. Why? I figure with the holiday season, getting hired won't be very easy for the next few weeks. Assuming things open up a bit more after New Year's, hopefully I can find something pretty quickly. But until then, I feel that despite the fact that I've already had one interview, the odds are pretty slim for the rest of the year given the season. And so instead of enjoying the savings I've built up this year, I'll have to dig into it for simple day-to-day expenses. Not quite what I had in mind.

So, here we go again, dammit. Today is actually Day 6 (or Day 5 if you don't count Thanksgiving Day). Following this post, I'll start the daily rundown of my new Layoff Times, for better or for worse.

All together now:

SIGH.

The Layoff Times: Final Thoughts, Lessons Learned

Well, it finally happened. Day 232 was indeed the last day of my layoff times. Exactly 51 weeks after I learned I was to be one of 10,000 employees to be laid off within a month, I finally started a new full-time job. This is a 6-month contract for now, potentially longer. Oddly enough, it's with a company that's on the same street that my first office at National Instruments was on ... and this company abbreviates itself as NI too. As for the freelance gig I seemed to have, well, no word from them since I sent them paperwork a couple weeks ago.

But this post is not about the new job. Any thoughts on that will go on Blogacharya. Today's entry, about a week overdue, is all about closing up The Layoff Times at long last. I started writing this in my head back in late April. Then in May, I started to think I'd never get to write this. So, here are my concluding thoughts on this period in my life:

• With the exception of a couple of weeks following the lightning strike, the first 7 months of my layoff times were amazingly fun. I had a great time! I loved the freedom, the relaxed pace, everything about it. And it was great to spend so much time with my girls, even if it was just them sleeping on or next to me while I watched TV or was on the computer.
• The last 3 1/2 months of my layoff times nearly ruined the first, longer, fun part. But I guess that's what happens when money becomes tight, the feeling of freedom turns into the feeling of being trapped and frozen, and you're home so much you can overanalyze every sip of water your now-diabetic cats take.
• I didn't do everything I set out to do, even though I was out of work longer than I'd planned, but really, who ever gets everything they want to do done? Fact is, I got a lot of crucial work done discarding junk and otherwise organizing and sorting things around the house that has really come in handy.
• Turns out, I really needed a sabbatical. Sure, over the years I've taken a couple of 3-week vacations, but those were family trips, so I couldn't call those relaxing. I really needed this break.
  
• However ... I really needed that sabbatical to no more than 7 months long.
  
• I have too much faith in my qualifications and work abilities. I'm not saying I think I suck at my career. And I know I can still nail an interview even when I'm off my game. But being good and being qualified may not mean shit. My plan had been to start working again by November -- last year. I'd felt I had the freedom to look for the perfect job, to find something I really wanted. In the end, I was starting to scrounge around for positions with insulting wages. One reason I let myself be strung along by this new position for so long was because it's actually a good salary. It wasn't the position I wanted as much as the rate.
  
• Severance packages and unemployment benefits rock. When they run out, and you have to start paying for Cobra on top of that ... everything changes.
• Life threw a few tests at me. Pop quizzes, really, nothing major. And for the most part, especially this year, I failed. Miserably.
  
• I can handle one or two minor crises in a row. I can handle a few if they're spaced apart. But start adding a third, a fourth, a fifth in a row, even if they're tiny problems, with no balancing small victories in between, and my foundation collapses. Which leads to...
• "Dipu Fatigue." It's still a risk for anyone near me. If I get into a major funk and can't get out, hoist the red flags. My negativity and hopelessness can wear down even the most patient and understanding person. Contact with me becomes a building cycle of frustration. It's no fun at all for my friends. I'd thought Dipu Fatigue was part of my past, part of the "pre-Trish" Dipu (the person I was before Trish decided to help me turn my negative mindset around). Sure, there were occasional relapses, like after the lightning strike last year, but I'd get out of those ruts fairly quickly. But not so with this spring's downturn. Not since late February. The one positive with this major relapse is that I didn't lose any friends. But I've sure frustrated the hell out of a lot of them.
  
• I am alone for a good reason. Fate, God, the Universe, whoever, is sparing someone from having to spend her life with me. Sure, I'll be okay to be around when things are good, but when things aren't so good, well, see the aforementioned Dipu Fatigue. If you've ever experienced Dipu Fatigue, and I know many of my friends have, that's just a taste of what my poor girlfriend or wife would have to endure.
• On the other hand, things would've been so much worse without my friends. The same friends who likely suffered Dipu Fatigue at times. I'm not sure I could've made it through these past few months intact without your support.
• I was a lot more of an optimist these past few years than I ever realized. I knew I was feeling good and positive about life in general (dating being the glaring exception) and considered myself to be very happy overall. But with the recent (and continuing) downturn in my attitude, it's so clear to me how unpessimistic I was for all those years. And it sucks not to be there anymore.
  

I know I had more I wanted to write, but I can't remember any more now. If I ever do, I'll post it on my main blog. This is plenty anyway. Hopefully, I won't have to post on here again for at least 6 months, if ever. And even then, it'd be starting over from a new Day 1. So either way, this round of The Layoff Times ends today.

Unfortunately, this blog did not end like I'd hoped it would. Until recently, I'd thought I would end this on a high note, excited by a new job, a new opportunity that I didn't have before. Instead, I'm taking something because I need a job. I'm concluding this blog not with the optimistic outlook I started with and retained until nearly March, but with a battered-down, worn-out, and weary demeanor, merely plodding through life. Yes, my finally getting a job and a paycheck (well, that won't be for another week, but I assume I'll get one) are good things. I'm glad about that, to be sure. But instead of being the joyous occasion I'd hoped it would be, it's just a sigh of relief. It still feels temporary, like a stop-gap solution. A badly needed stop-gap, but a stop-gap nonetheless. In the past, when I started a new job, it was new and exciting. This job is simply new.

If only this blog could have ended 4 months ago.

Thanks to everyone who visited this blog over the past year. As I said in the beginning of this blog, it really was more for myself than for anyone's amusement, so I know this wasn't the most stirring of blogs. But that wasn't the point. Thanks for reading despite that. My other two blogs will continue with new entries, but if all goes well, this is the finale for The Layoff Times. Thanks for reading.

-30-

Day 232: Job Resurrection

Got up at 7:30 am to put out the trash/recycling that I'd been too lazy to put out the night before. Went back to sleep and didn't get up until 10:30. My cable modem was out for a short while, which got me yelling at the computer. Once it was back, I puttered around on the computer (which was acting mysteriously slow), ate a peanut butter sandwich for lunch, and slowly got ready for my 1 pm interview for a 6-week contract. It was a drizzly day, and my mood felt similarly gray. Though I couldn't help hoping for a phone call telling me that the formerly dead contract was starting tomorrow.

The interview itself went okay. The recruiter said the clients were impressed, but I've heard that before, and look where it's led. Nowhere. After the interview I tried to find sod at a Lowe's I didn't cover yesterday, but still no luck.

Shortly after I got home, I got the call I barely dared hope for, from the president of the other recruiting agency. So the job that died last week but showed the faintest spark of life after death -- that job is back on again. Even though they still haven't finished the paperwork, the client wants me to start tomorrow. This is different from previous times in that it's not a "should start tomorrow" promise. It's a "show up at 8 am tomorrow." Though I still didn't take it as a 100% guarantee. But she got confirmation from the client and called back with the info, and so it appears that I'll be going to work tomorrow (well, technically, later today, in about 7 hours).

Meanwhile, my desktop was still acting sluggish (which led to more yelling), so I started copying some of my files to another location so I could reinstall the operating system (copying the files was just a precaution; reinstalling shouldn't affect those files at all). Also copied some Six Man clips to my laptop, then headed downtown for a lengthy Six Man meeting. On the assumption that I'm actually gonna start earning money again, I allowed myself to pick up drive-thru for dinner on the way home. Once back home, I finished reinstalling the OS and, for some odd reason, stayed up later than I should on just what might be the last night of these Layoff Times.

If all goes well, the next entry in this blog won't be Day 233, but a final wrapup, summary, and lessons learned of this whole period. Cross your fingers.

Day 231: Kids make more money than me

Tried to sleep in, because what do I need to get up early for? Still took a surprising amount of effort. Moved to the sofa around 7 am. Fell asleep, woke up at 7:25. Then at 7:45. Then 8:15. Finally managed to fall into a deep sleep and next woke up at 10:30. Geez. How could sleeping in be so much damn work??

Before lunchtime I'd already applied for or contacted 4-5 jobs/recruiters. Felt pretty discouraged after that. Having to do this all over again, starting over, nothing in sight. Bring on the bad mood.

One recruiter did manage to set up an interview for me tomorrow. It's far lower pay than I want, but it'd only be a 6-week contract, so I can live with a short-term low-paying job. I just don't want to get stuck in a long-term contract with sucky pay. I may not have a choice on that anymore, however. Also, the president of the agency who tried to get me the now-dead contract called with another update; the manager at the client still hopes to get me hired on, and so the agency is hoping to hear something on that by tomorrow. Here we go again.

I'm putting a stranglehold on my spending now, and other than bills, I'd managed not to spend any money for the past 4 days. That ended this afternoon when I went to check my mail. My neighbor's kids had set up a lemonade stand, and they roped me in as their first customer. So I spent ... a whole quarter. Still, spending 25 cents over 5 days is pretty good. If only utilities and mortgages didn't require money.

Ate Spaghettios for lunch. Spent the afternoon editing Six Man, Texas footage. Took a short break to run my tiller over a spot in my front yard where the St. Augustine isn't growing. Afterwards I was hoping to buy a few pieces of sod to place on the tilled area, but I went to two Home Depots and a Lowe's, and none had any in stock. So it was back home to continue editing video, watch a little TV, eat a sandwich for dinner, and then meet Tom at The Paramount Theater to watch Hitchcock's The Trouble With Harry. (This didn't add to my 25 cents over 5 days total because I had a leftover ticket from last year, and I skipped the popcorn, so it didn't cost me a thing).

Day 230: Unmemorial Day

I didn't expect I'd be getting any pay on today's holiday ... but I thought I would be the rest of the coming work week. But what I thought a month ago is very different from what I think now. This is probably the first time I didn't look forward to a 3-day weekend. All it meant to me this time was one less day I can look for a job, one more day in which nothing can move forward, one more day of sitting in my house trying not to go crazy.

Tried to sleep in today, but I got up around 6 am because I heard Meeka hocking up a hairball. After that I moved to the sofa and slept till 10:30. I tidied up the house a little because Alan and Tom were coming over for a Six Man, Texas meeting. We ended up spending a few hours watching new footage and discussing how to move things forward toward our rough cut deadline in less than 2 weeks.

No one seemed motivated to do anything for Memorial Day, and I didn't feel like hosting if only 2-3 people were up for something, so I spent the rest of the day watering the yard, reviewing more Six Man footage, and balancing my credit card statements and bank statements with my Quicken data. I no longer have the luxury of slacking off on that; I need to track my balances very carefully now.

What a lame holiday it was.

Day 229: Wasted on sudoku

Pretty much a waste of a day. Sure, I did some more job hunting and sent out some more applications, but with a long weekend coming up, clearly nothing's gonna happen for at least 4 days. And no word from the marcom company I might freelance for either. Just what I need. A long weekend trying not to spend money, stuck at home, unable to move the job hunt forward. Great. Just. Great. Went to the post office to mail some bills, then offset that by depositing my tax refund. Course, a month ago, I was under the impression I'd also be depositing a salary check by now. But, no.

I was hoping Trish and Brian would need some Spiceburst help this weekend, just to have an excuse to leave my house without having to spend any money. But I hadn't said anything, preferring to leave it up to fate. Sure enough, midafternoon, Brian called asking if I could help out tomorrow. So, I'll be able to escape my house for at least a short while tomorrow ... and get a free meal to boot. Plus a little socializing. Every little bit helps now.

Did a little organizing around the house, but wasn't motivated to do much else but surf and watch TV. And I wasted a couple hours trying to solve the one USA Today online sudoku puzzle I failed to finish this week. In times like this, you gotta take any small, insignificant victories where you can get them, right? But I kept trying and trying, but somehow I couldn't get it, even though I'd solved an allegedly more difficult one before that. So, I couldn't even eke out a victory on something like a stupid puzzle.

Watered the yard in the evening; I seem to be about to lose some of the plants I put down just a couple months ago. They were fine when I watered earlier this week; now they may be past the point of no return. I hate it when plants wither and die so quickly you can't even save them. They'd been doing well, too. Or so I thought. Dammit.

Somehow, I just wasn't hungry come dinnertime (lunch was yesterday's leftover frozen pizza). Finally fixed myself a peanut butter sandwich shortly before bedtime just so I'd have eaten something.

Day 228: Hopelessly stuck at home

Not much to report today. Spent a chunk of the day viewing Six Man, Texas raw footage and clipping out scenes. Did the usual chatting etc. stuff on the computer. Had Cheetos for lunch. Yes, just Cheetos. (I at least baked a pizza and drank various V-8 juices for dinner, okay?). Watched the HBO miniseries Elizabeth I in the evening (the show was disappointingly tedious). Skipped both GNO and J.M.'s band's performance at Shoal Creek Saloon because I didn't want to spend any money, plus I figured I'd be bad company anyway. It seems to have been a good day for Phoebe and Meeka, though, as what was most noteworthy about their water consumption is how little I noticed it. Both seemed to drink perfectly normal amounts.

No word back from the marcom agency on the freelance job (I sent them my paperwork yesterday ... unless my fax didn't go through). On the other hand, the president of the agency that tried to get me the contract that died called me. She said the department manager and HR person at the client really wanted to try to bring me on board still, but they have to convince this new VP who just took over after a reorg and has been making decisions without getting input from the troops first. She's hoping to hear by the end of the week if anything can happen. I told her I have to keep my options open and can't wait for that. So, I suppose I still just might get this contract. But I'm neither holding my breath nor waiting around. I can't. I need an office job NOW to get me out of this house before I drive everyone I care about away from me. Assuming I haven't already.

Day 227: It's Over. Starting Over.

The light at the end of the tunnel was actually a train. Early this afternoon, my recruiter called (after I'd called her a couple hours earlier) with the final news. No, not that the last signature had been signed. But rather, the client had decided to go another way. Instead of hiring two contract writers, they'll only hire one, and as a permanent employee instead. And it isn't me. My recruiter knows they have more than one person's worth of work, and she's sure they'll find this out the hard way in a month and want to hire more help. But I've heard this story before. This puppy is dead in the road.

I'd spent the morning reviewing Six Man, Texas footage and chatting on IM as usual. Ate lunch at home. Phoebe seemed to be drinking more water than usual, at least during the early afternoon. That didn't help my state of mind. She's not even supposed to be diabetic.

The one potential bright spot is that things appear to be moving forward with the marcom company I'd interviewed with about a month ago. This is freelance work, though, which means it doesn't get me out of the house for 9-10 hours a day. Getting a salary is the most crucial thing right now, and it should help in that arena, but a close second is getting an office job. Something so I'm not sitting at home all day. And unfortunately, this freelance job won't cover the latter requirement. That of course assumes it even comes through. And I know now that even if I've signed paperwork, that don't mean jack shit.

In the evening I went grocery shopping, since I obviously need to re-slash my budget and won't be eating out much again. And I broke the Cheetos ban I instituted more than a year ago because I JUST DON'T FUCKING CARE ANYMORE. Even got a double Wendy's burger on my way home for that very same reason.

Tried to focus on more Six Man work in the evening but couldn't. On the other hand, Phoebe's water consumption for the entire day no longer seemed abnormally high at all. It was just for a couple of hours. Which is the kind of thing I'd be blissfully unaware of if I HAD A GODDAMNED OFFICE JOB.

While watching TV, I thought I heard a faint tap from the direction of my computer speakers. Then later, there was a louder noise and, I thought, a flash of light on the wall behind me. When I turned around, I saw a big ol' tree roach on the wall. I smashed the roach easily, but that wasn't the problem. What was that noise and flash? My first instinct was something with the electrical outlet that the computer is plugged into. But I didn't smell anything amiss. Hell, the computer hadn't even woken up out of sleep mode, which you'd think some sort of power surge woulda done. Thing is, the flash coulda been from the TV. And with no electrical or burning smell, what else could it have been? Plus my surge protector claims the circuit is fine. So my best guess is that the roach was inside the shade of the floor lamp, the tapping sound was him moving around or flying and landing in there, and the flash and louder sound was him hitting the shade hard as he flew out and landed on the wall. (The lamp shade was a bit crooked, but I have no clue if it was like that before). I mean, what are the odds that a roach just happened to be on the wall when I looked over to find the source of a mysterious sound? Isn't the roach being the cause of it all much more likely than the roach just happening to be there when some electrical thing on that wall went amiss? And that said electrical thing left no trace of anything wrong?

It all still unnerved me further. I felt sick to my stomach. I decided maybe I should just bite the bullet and puke. I leaned over the tub and tried to will myself to vomit, but after a couple of dry heaves, that was all. Still felt a little better afterwards, though.

I scooped the litter box; the amount hasn't gone up, at least, but it's still a bit more than it was a couple weeks ago. The litter box output reached a new low then, but has since climbed back up a bit. Still well below March's average, though. So, it's not bad news. But it's not as good as I'd like it to be either.

I'm unplugging everything from that outlet before I go to bed, just in case.

I don't think I've said this in 11 years or more, but I have to say it now: Life sucks.

Day 226: Back to Square One

No word from my recruiter. Not a peep. The client's HR people were supposed to call her in the morning. But nothing's trickled down to me yet.

It figures.

I've lost more than 3 weeks of potential salary, not to mention job searching time, because in a fit of optimism I stopped looking; I made the crazy assumption that "you should start tomorrow" didn't mean "you might start in a month ... or never."

Spent the day on the computer and moving furniture in my spare bedrooms back into place, plus reorganizing both of those spare rooms. Lunch consisted of Spaghettios and cereal. Separately, not mixed together. Applied for several jobs; would've applied for more, but some were already closed. I lost my shot. Grrr. Plus, one of the jobs I applied for is at IBM, so you know that'll go nowhere anyway. Also, Trish finally stopped by to pick up the rocket sauce I made last week. Some potential good news is that the freelance opportunity I have may be moving forward. So that would at least mean a salary ... but it wouldn't get me out of the house, which is something I need almost as badly right now.

I thought the end was in sight. Freelancing will help on the financial front -- that is, if the freelancing gig happens -- but I'll still be stuck here at home. This fucking blog just won't fucking end. Fuck.

Day 225: The Unemployeds, Round 2

Got up knowing that nothing was gonna happen regarding my alleged job today. I guess in some way, it was freeing. Although I was still in a pretty weary, cynical mood most of the day. Spent part of the day chatting etc. on the computer, plus updating the name index on the main Home Dipu site and finalizing the latest major update. Also finally started to move all the boxes and other stuff that have been scattered around my house back into place. I'd moved them off the damp areas of carpet a couple weeks ago, so it's looked like I'm packing to move for the past few weeks. But I finally vacuumed and shampooed all that carpet over the weekend, so now I could move things back. Didn't quite finish, but at least the house looks a lot less disorganized.

Took a break in the afternoon to get a haircut. Was back home only a few minutes before I left to meet The Self/Unemployeds, Barbara and Lisa, for happy hour at A La Carrera. I wasn't hungry enough for dinner at the time, but I had two surprisingly good and cheap margaritas, plus part of Lisa's. Only as I was leaving did it start hitting me, so I swung by Jason's Deli on the way home to pick up a quick dinner. Would've preferred to save the money on dinner at home, but I needed food ASAP, and the options of a Lean Pocket or Spaghettios at home didn't really tempt me.

Back home, called Trish to remind her that she'd forgotten to pick up the latest batch of rocket sauce; ended up chatting awhile getting her view on the perils of contracting (something I've never done before ... and still haven't, thanks to this never-starting "job"). Then, it was back to putting my house back in order, playing with two surprisingly energized cats, and watching the last part of the San Antonio Spurs' loss on TV.

Day 224: The blog that never ends

Got up around 9. Finally got around to vacuuming the carpet that had gotten damp a couple weeks ago. Still wanna run my carpet shampooer over those areas too, but I didn't feel like it after vacuuming. I need to finish that soon, though, so I can put everything back in place; my house has looked like I'm packing to move these past couple of weeks.

Got back to work on editing Six Man, Texas video. Took a mid-afternoon break to make a deposit at my credit union, something I've been doing all too rarely lately. Then, back to editing video. For pretty much the rest of the day and evening.

Phoebe's lost a little weight over the past few weeks. Can't tell for sure if she's drinking more or if I'm being paranoid. Well, the latter is a given. Doesn't mean she isn't drinking more too, though. Meeka, conversely, seems to be doing fine, so it doesn't make sense why Phoebe would be worse, since Meeka is the full-blown diabetic. Hopefully Phoebe's just slimming down because of the diebetic food. Can't imagine why her blood sugar would be higher than it was before the diet change, when it was only slightly high. Still, I can't help but find her weight loss slightly disconcerting.

My recruiter called to tell me that the person at the client that needs to make the final signature had been called out of town on an emergency. Their HR person will call my recruiter back. ON TUESDAY. So yes, another weekend still on the verge of a job without even having one. When I complained about life being on hold a couple weeks ago, I didn't realize it could go even more on hold, where even my job hunt would go into a deep freeze. It's hard to be tensed on the starting line for weeks on end without hearing the starter's pistol. I don't feel dizzy much anymore, but I am losing my temper more often. I'm a joy to be around right now.

Day 223: Stringing me along

My alarm clock got me up at 7 am. I decided, screw this, and went back to sleep till about 9 am. Once I was up, I finally set about making rocket sauce again after yesterday's aborted attempt. I made a quick grocery run for one last ingredient, then stopped at Chick-Fil-A for hash browns and a free breakfast sandwich. Back home I realized I'd been wearing my shirt inside out. Oh well. Not like there was anyone to impress at HEB in the middle of the morning.

Was halfway through the rocket sauce when Andrew asked if I could meet him at Costco; he was getting new tires and needed a ride back to work. Complications at Costco ensued that negated his need for a ride, but since I was already there, we went to Fresh Choice for lunch. Despite not being overly hungry, I still managed to wolf down a week's worth of vegetables as usual.

Back home, I finished making and bottling the rocket sauce. Talked to my recruiter; the client hadn't contacted her yet. All they need is for the client's HR people to get one damn signature. This final signature has taken more than a day already. Which means yes, another weekend without being able to say for sure I have a salary, so my spending limits continue for another damn weekend. As a result, I skipped this evening's Guys' Night Out once again. I did allow myself to pick up a sandwich at the Bear Rock Cafe at the edge of my neighborhood, but that was still far cheaper than GNO would've been. I spent the evening editing video for Six Man, Texas.

So, my job situation still hasn't improved, but I'm less stressed about it and everything else. Consequently, today I had the fewest dizzy spells -- practically none, actually -- since this whole lightheaded/headache thing started last week. And no headaches or pressure at all. And I haven't even taken any medicine for it yet. That should prove it's all been stress-related.

Day 222: Onion puree all over

Got up at 7 am to make rocket sauce. Got all the ingredients ready and chopped the first batch of onions in the blender. The top was leaking, so I removed it to fix the seal. And in the process of moving the blender to clean up beneath it, I accidentally hit a button ... and I ended up wearing the pureed onion mix. As did my kitchen. I don't know how far the stream of obscenities carried out my open windows. So I spent the next half an hour cleaning up all the mess, then took a fully clothed shower to wash the onion mix off my clothes. Then started a load of laundry as a result. By now, given the possibility that I was starting work in under 4 hours, there was no point trying to rush through, so I postponed the rocket sauce yet again.

Needless to say, I was thrilled to start my day like this.

I got on the computer for awhile. My recruiter called to tell me one of the signatures needed was done, now it was just up to the client to get two more. She'd let me know around noon if I was starting at 1 pm. Less than an hour's notice?? Niiice.

So, I met Tom, Barbara, Kristi, and Trish at Alborz for lunch. I dressed in nice clothes just in case I had to go to work from there. Around 12:15 pm, my recruiter called with not unexpected news -- the client hadn't gotten the remaining signatures done in time, so I wouldn't start before tomorrow afternoon ... or the day after that. The lightheadedness and pressure in my head had been abating a lot this week, but I felt a little dizzy for a couple minutes after that phone call. At least I didn't have to rush through lunch with my friends.

On my way home from lunch, I stopped by HEB to replace the onions I'd worn in the morning. Spent the afternoon watching TV and editing Six Man, Texas video. Also stopped by my recruiter's office to re-sign some paperwork (one of the results of the past 3 weeks is that the pay rate has dipped slightly, so I had to sign a new contract. Still a good salary, though ... if I ever get a chance to earn it, that is). Spent the rest of the day on Six Man, Texas, watching TV, and catching up on the phone with my ol' college buddy Chuck.

Hopefully tomorrow morning I can make rocket sauce without further blender mishaps. Stupid user error.

Day 221: Maybe THIS time...

Woke up around 7 am to a surprisingly cool morning. Thought about getting up early and getting a lot done, but instead, on the off chance I'm working soon, I figured what the hell, sleep in. I moved to the sofa and went back to sleep with both cats curled up on me. Got up around 9:30. The good thing is, since yesterday evening, the pressure I felt on my temples has disappeared. Still have occasional lightheadedness, but with the headache pressure gone, I'm not worried about it because I found out yesterday that my blood pressure is still normal. Shows how much sickness can be, ahem, in your head.

Spent the morning on the computer, playing sudoku, doing the crossword, surfing, and chatting. Accomplishing nothing, basically. But with another beautiful day on tap and every window in my house open, it didn't really matter. The cool breeze was soothing. My recruiter called in the early afternoon and said okay, the paperwork is done. Well, almost. The last papers still need to be signed in the morning. But assuming that happens, I should be able to start tomorrow afternoon and attend orientation. So, if that happens -- IF -- this will actually be my last full day of unemployment. Tomorrow's entry would be a half-day. So potentially, tomorrow is the 2nd-to-last entry in this blog (I'll have a final concluding entry after my last day, whenever that is).

I decided to spend this afternoon on a fairly non-taxing task, adding new photos to Home Dipu (the April albums here). Also poured more Arm & Hammer underneath some of the carpet that had been damp; thanks to Virginia for that suggestion, which really seems to be taking the slight but lingering stale carpet smell away (I'd first tried that over the weekend). Bob also paid a surprise visit late in the afternoon on his way to a pest-control job in my neighborhood.

As far as the cats go, their water consumption has seemed perfectly normal for more than a week now. But their urine output has gone up some over the same period (though nowhere near where it was in March). Makes perfect sense. Not. I guess they feel they have to keep me on my toes; can't take too much good news without something to offset it slightly. In a couple of weeks, I'll take Meeka back to get her blood sugar tested again; presumably at that point I'll know whether daily insulin shots are in her near future.

I was gonna make rocket sauce today but just didn't feel like it; it was too nice a day to work. Spent the rest of the day on the computer and watching TV instead. Will I have to put on long pants and a decent shirt tomorrow? We'll see. The way this job has gone, I'm not assuming anything until the last of the paperwork is signed. Which is still isn't. But maybe, just maybe, the next entry will be written after I've earned a few hours' worth of a salary. Maybe. Who knows.

Day 220: Windy City

Decided to let myself sleep in today, yet I still got up before 9:30. I guess that's good. Still feeling lightheaded on occasion, plus some slight tension or pressure on my temples, but nothing as bad or as often as last week. Still, I figured I should probably go to the doctor just in case.

Spent the morning chatting on IM, then met Barbara, Trish, and Tom at Taco Deli. We ran into Brian and a coworker finishing up an early lunch. It was a beautiful, cool day, but the wind was too much (we sat outside). When I went inside to get more water, I found the last part of my third taco on the sidewalk. The wind had blown my basket off the table and just missed splashing Trish and her white blouse with a red greasy sauce. And yes, while I did pick up and eat the rest of the taco despite its having fallen on the sidewalk, at least I didn't bother with the pieces that had also fallen out of the taco. I'm unemployed, but my desperation still has some limits. Trish had a couple more wind-blown scares with the bowl of queso that Tom was finishing (having picked the downwind seat, she was most at risk from flying food). We all went to Ben & Jerry's afterwards.

After lunch I half-napped on the sofa while watching, yes, the 2-hour L&O block on TNT. It was nice with all the windows open; it really was a beautiful afternoon. Then it was off to the post office and a doctor's appointment. I was relieved to find that my blood pressure was, in fact, still perfectly normal. My doctor wrote a prescription for some anti-vertigo medication and said all my symptoms were likely stress-related (though the lightheadedness might also be an inner ear thing, just not an infection). Granted, the whole appointment was less than 5 minutes, but I felt reassured that it was nothing serious.

In the evening, went to HEB to get produce for another round of rocket sauce.

And no, there was no word from my recruiter. Clearly, I'm not starting tomorrow. I'm giving this whole thing one more day.

Day 219: Dizzy from the stress

Woke up early and opened all the windows again, hoping to drive the last of the stale carpet odor out of the house. At least, NOW I should have dried all the carpet and padding. Spent pretty much the entire day editing Six Man, Texas footage. Except for taking a 2-hour break to watch Law & Order reruns, of course. I keep hoping each day is the last one I'll be able to catch the afternoon L&O block on a regular basis, but no. My recruiter told me that the client is going through a reorg today, so they have to redo some of the signatures. Likely won't start before Tuesday. So, here comes another weekend of limited spending. Great. I turned down lunch with Andrew because I figured I'd be bad company. The recruiter assured me this job will happen. We'll see.

I've been having boughts of dizziness/light-headedness for the past few days. Since my stress level ramped up, basically. Today seems a bit worse. Course, by the time I started wondering if I should call the doctor, it was afternoon, and I couldn't imagine I'd have gotten an appointment before next week anyway, so I didn't bother. I'll see how the weekend goes.

Phoebe was acting a little odd, and then she made a gawdawful meow. Took me a second to recognize it for what it was -- a vomit warning siren. Sure enough, seconds later, out came the biggest hairball I've seen her vomit in years. Which was actually a relief, since this is perfectly normal. Last thing I need is to add Phoebe to my overtaxed worry list. I gave her some hairball medication. She puked again a couple hours later, but her stomach was clearly still settling from the hairball. And she perked up after that.

Trish stopped by in the late afternoon to drop off some rocket sauce supplies. She didn't smell anything amiss in the house, so that's good. I guess I dried the carpet in time. Trish also recruited me to demo Spiceburst products at a Central Market tomorrow. Her usual, more extroverted demoers (like Tom) won't be available, so she has to settle for an extroverted introvert. Will be interesting to see how that goes. Course, that's a weekend, so whatever happens won't show up on this blog. But It'll probably go okay.

J.M.'s band was playing at Jovita's in the evening; I was gonna skip because of my mood, but chatting with Trish even for a short while seemed to alleviate my stress levels, so I realized being anti-social wasn't helping me one bit. I decided to get out of the house for my own sanity. So after editing a little more video, I headed down south for dinner and a show. Hung out with J.M., Tamara, Tom, Virginia, and some people I hadn't seen in years like Mike and Mary. It definitely helped lessen my dizzy spells, though they didn't go away entirely. But still an improvement. Came home in the late evening feeling less stressed. Not great, mind you. But better.

Oh, and the tab for the table got paid at some point in the evening, so I owe someone somewhere a dinner and a couple of drinks...

Day 218: Still on hold

A beautiful day, cool morning, wonderful weather. Ran some errands early and picked up a free sausage biscuit from Chick-Fil-A for breakfast (part of their monthlong free breakfast item on Thursdays promotional). I did buy some hash browns to go with the free food, but still, not a bad breakfast for under a buck. Back home I sat down to some Six Man, Texas editing. Also threw open all the windows for a great cross-breeze. All the carpet seems to be dry, but I kept the fans going just in case.

In the afternoon, I realized that today marks two weeks since I was told I should be starting this contract job any day now. Each day it gets pushed out once again. And since I hadn't heard anything yet, it was clear to me that I wouldn't be starting tomorrow either. And I realized that meant that I'd be going another weekend without the knowledge that I'm getting a salary real soon. Which means no loosening of the pursestrings until next week. Which means I should start clamping back down again until I know for sure. Sigh. At least I was able to put the rest of the carpet and padding back in place. And very little of that carpet smell seemed to linger.

I alternated between editing and watching TV for the rest of the day. I skipped GNO at Trudy's to save money. Probably was for the best, as in the evening, I discovered I actually hadn't gotten all the damp carpet yet. There was still one corner of the back bedroom I'd forgotten about. Of course, furniture and boxes were in the way, which was why I hadn't checked completely. So I had to move all that and prop up the carpet and padding from that corner and set the fans going again. The bad thing is, this area was wet for several days longer than the rest. Hope it'll be okay. Guess I'll know by morning.

I guess tomorrow I'll need to decide how much longer I can wait on this job I allegedly have.

Day 217: Postponed again

Got up before 8:30 am in a better mood than yesterday. Not sure why. I guess I feel a bit more reassured about the water seepage issue. I moved the floor fan around to the last remaining small damp area of carpet and used cans of corn to prop up the carpet. Also opened up all the windows for circulation, even though it was a hot, muggy morning.

Spent the rest of the morning chatting on IM, then met Trish and Tom for a long lunch at Culver's. Back at home, between the meal and yesterday's stress, I just felt tired, so I settled onto the sofa for the 2-hour block of Law & Order reruns on TNT. Didn't even bother doing anything on the computer, just watched and half-napped. My recruiter called with the expected news, that they were still dealing with paperwork with the client. Won't be finished till tomorrow at least. This blog is becoming neverending. Sigh.

A cold front finally moved through and gave us a pleasant, non-humid evening. Great for opening all the windows again. Spent a quiet evening watching TV and putting the carpet back in place.

Day 216: Waiting turns to frustration

Up at 9 am. Running two fans overnight seems to have dried the carpet and padding in one spare bedroom nicely. Kept it going anyway. Emailed Brian to ask him about the tile problem ... or if there even was a problem. Spent the morning blogging, surfing, and IMing. Opened up the windows to get more circulation going, even thought it's a muggy morning. Hopefully it at least sweeps that faint "underside of the carpet" smell out.

The afternoon dragged on with no word my recruiter. I guess I'm not starting tomorrow either. Frustration started getting the better of me again. Lost my temper a couple of times. I feel like I shouldn't talk to any of my friends right now. Everyone's probably sick to death of my bad moods by now. I hate that Blogacharya has become Whineacharya. I just feel like I keep getting bonked in the head. Not too hard, just enough to keep me off balance.

On the one hand, it's good that I'm not starting my job right now because I've been able to take care of the carpet more easily. On the other hand, afternoons like this, sitting and waiting and wondering when the hell I can finally move out of this seemingly endless holding pattern ... it's driving me nuts. I feel stuck. Trapped. I don't even have to start that job this week. Just knowing WHEN I'll start is enough. To know that I actually WILL start.

Late in the afternoon I called my dad to get his advice on the tile. He wasn't worried about that, just making sure I dried the carpet, which I was already well on my way to finishing. So for once, talking to him made me worry less. Still, while earlier I had considered getting people together for a movie or dinner, by the time evening rolled around I decided I was in too bad a mood to go out. I suppose a bad mood was an even stronger reason to go out, but oh well.

Thank God the cats were drinking water like normal. Probably couldn't have handled worrying about them on top of everything else. Spent pretty much the whole evening watching TV while the fans did their things in the other rooms. Storms threatened from the west but petered out before they got to Austin. Whew. I like rain (but not storms), but not this much, this fast.